It is said that Burgundy wines make you think funny things, Bordeaux wines make you talk about them, but Champagne makes you do them!

museums at the Vatican Tourist Information office in St. Peter’s Square before going to the museums. Displays are not well marked.

Top choices for restaurants abroad are Tuscany, Provence and Paris. (Bon Appétit, March 2003)

Switzerland, the land of mountain railways, offers the highest train station in Europe, the oldest mountain railways in the world, the steepest cog railways, and the most daring revolving lookout towers.

Along the German “Romantic Road” one can join the night watchman on his rounds of a medieval town.

Italy has an estimated 2,000 indigenous grape varieties?

The Seine, which runs nearly 500 miles from Burgundy to the English Channel, was named by Julius Caesar?

There is a hidden passageway between the Uffizi and Pitti Palaces in Florence?

We can’t think how our fractured French, gosh-awful German and idiot Italian translate in the communications we write to our business partners, but here are a couple of English translations to entertain you:

From a holiday brochure: “Having freshly taken over the propriety of this notorious house, I am wishful that you remove to me your esteemed costume. Standing among savage scenery, the hotel offers stupendous revelations. There is a French widow in ever bedroom, affording delightful prospects. I give personal look to the interior wants of each guest. Here, you shell be well fed up and agreeably drunk.” (What date would you like us to book for you?)

In another brochure: “Suggestive views from every window.”

Another hotel states: “We have nice bath and are very good in bed.”

Or signs that read:

• “ Not to have children in the bar”
• “Leave values at the front desk.”